Monday, January 7, 2013

To wait...

and then we wait.
today, we mailed our dossier off for little sister.

I think with every child, there comes a different kind of anticipation.

When we were adopting Million, someone told me that adoption waiting isn't as hard if it isn't your first child.  I remember blogging that on our adoption blog and getting a lot of nasty comments about "how do you know? you don't know our situation..." Of course, I understand the upset that a comment like that can cause, because it didn't exactly validate their pain.  But I see truth in it, too.

Especially now that we're waiting again.  And looking at a wait that will likely be four times longer to referral than our last one was.  (crossing fingers that we don't end up with all the waiting AFTER referral that we did with Million's case...)

But it is different.  It doesn't feel so desperate.  It doesn't feel so life altering.
With our wait for Million, since we were still "yuppies", I felt the need to announce it to the world that we were adopting.  I felt slighted when people didn't remember that I was a mama-to-be.  I had a whole blog about the experience of adoption.  I hung on every word in internet forums about Ethiopian adoption, skin care, hair care, etc.  I obsessively checked the wait list to see what "number" we were.

With our wait for Creedence, there was an anticipation that was brought on by education.  We went to so many child birth and natural pain management courses along with educating ourselves with scads of books.  Quite naturally, we anticipated labor and delivery as "the big event" and (I think) failed a little in preparing for life afterwards.  We're recovering now and have nearly a normal life as a family of four.  I didn't feel slighted when people didn't know I was pregnant at seven months along.  In fact, I thought it was funny that I was still getting "is she or isn't she?" looks and dropped jaws.

I'm not claiming that this adoption's wait won't be difficult.  That would be an absolute lie.  Especially, I anticipate, when we hit the two-year mark of waiting for a referral.  It will just be a different kind of difficult.  It won't be filled with the intense longing of a woman without children at home.  It won't be a status change from yuppie to stay-at-home mom.  It won't be a brand-new adventure that no one we know has ever done before.  We have a support network.  We have friends who have adopted from Ethiopia whom we write to and talk with on a regular basis.  We have friends in Ethiopia.  We know the sights, sounds, and smells of several portions of Ethiopia.

At the same time, we will be constantly reminded of our adoption process, as our business will be our main source of providing the remaining funds for the adoption.  Every time Michael builds a crate, or every time I answer an e-mail or change a listing, we're working towards bringing a daughter into our crazy lives.

So, dear wait, I plan on being your good friend and worst enemy for the next several years.  I plan on growing, learning, changing, being challenged and stretched.  I plan on embracing you, oh wait, and allowing the worst moments and best moments to shape me and mold me as a woman, as a wife, as a mama, a daughter, a sister, and a friend.  You don't intimidate me, wait.  You excite me.  With God's help, I will be a changed woman because of you.


  1. I'm so excited to watch you, Michael, Million and Creedence bring a fifth someone into your lives. I look up to you and Michael a great deal and I'm excited to see what God is going to do in you in the next two years. :)

  2. Congratulations on mailing the dossier! Let the wait begin. We're at 31.5 months of waiting right now and I do agree with you. The pain of the wait is at times mitigated by our daughter, who keeps us busy. I can tell you that I am getting to point of really resenting the wait currently. I try to be a positive person, but it's getting hard. Good luck to you and your family!

  3. I love that you took the photos in the car with your children on your laps, like a little rehearsal for being back in Ethiopia. Congratulations on beginning your wait. I hope it is just perfect.

  4. Congrats on clearing the dossier hurdle. I was afraid to tell people that the wait for Sophia was fairly easy. It was the constant questions during that time that nearly drove me batty. But the wait itself was definitely bearable and I chalk that up to already have two littles at home. Enjoy the wait!