My Little Bumblebees

I actually got some genuine smiles out of Million this weekend that were captured "on film."  That's been a difficult feat to accomplish lately, as he's been less compliant.  Ah, the life of a 3-year-old.

Our CSA will be starting soon, and I'm getting very excited about it. 

For those who have asked how Million's 1000 Book Quest is going, I haven't updated my tab up at the top.  He's at about 200 books (we had to take a major break for my sister's wedding...)  Creedence is even getting in on a little of the action, as I always try to check him out some board books, even if they're absolutely pointless and not worth reading.  At least he thinks they're tasty!  We'll be reading a lot of books about ducks and mice in the next week or so, most in rhyme. I've finally figured out how to search our library system by tags added by the librarians like "stories in rhyme" or "repetition."  The website search is not intuitive, since patrons usually search by author or title, but I figured it out, so my choices for the books will heretofore be a little more cohesive in their nature.  Million does love listening to lengthier books than most kids his age do, but I'm trying to spend time in the simpler books that he won't enjoy in a few years from now, books with more repetition and predictable story lines or rhymes, or books with counting or alphabet themes. 

All three "mens" have been hit this week with a bad cold, that so far I've avoided.  This morning I awoke with a very sore throat, however, so I expect to finally succumb to the nasty virus.  So for right now, I'm sipping on water and comforting myself with a Jane Austen movie and a big puffy quilt I made 12 years ago.

My life is filled with beautiful things today.
And I'm intentionally taking time to note it, because my life has been filled with some very hard and sometimes ugly things lately.
The training of human hearts and the battle for souls is simultaneously the most beautiful and ugly thing there is. 

Oh, and those chocolate bars up there?  Recipe here.  You're welcome.  I make a half recipe in a smaller Pyrex (I just realized that Pyrex no longer makes the size I use, so I can't provide you a link...And am I ever feeling old right about now, since my wedding bakeware has been discontinued.)  and use almonds instead of the walnuts (more cost effective) and sometimes almond butter instead of the peanut butter.

How To Get Children To Eat Vegetables (And Other Inspiring Topics)

I love carrots in the springtime.  I love carrots in the fall.

Oh wait.  That's supposed to be Paris.
That magical place in movies where romance can spawn from mold cultures.
But I've never been there. 
And it's not looking likely, either.
And frankly, I have other places that are on my "bucket list" before Paris.
So today, we've got carrots.

Creedence just had his first carrot baby food this morning and absolutely loved it.  Due to some doctor's orders, he's had to begin solid foods a tad bit earlier to beef him up.  He's just a wee little bairn. 

I was going to post a tutorial on how to make baby food.  But then I remembered the demographic of folk who actually READ this blog would be bored incredibly.  Heck, most of you INVENTED homemade baby food.  :)

So I'm not going to share that, but I will share a sneaky trick I learned from a chef in Ethiopia.  A lot of the parents when they brought their kids to the guest house we stayed in were shocked to see their ascribed "picky eaters" (even their kids who had been in America for years) just downing plates of vegetables.  I watched the chef make the vegetables one night, and I learned his secret ingredient.

Vegetable boullion.

I'm not even kidding you.

While we never had any problems with Million liking vegetables (if someone has any hints about getting him to swallow meat, however, please let me know!), I thought it'd be good to find a vegetable bouillion that we could use as a family for seasoning every now and then.  But we don't do MSG, because it doesn't agree with me.  So I found Rapunzel's Vegan Vegetable Bouillon with sea salt and herbs (sometimes we do the no-salt added variety). 

Today, for Creedence's baby food, I just made up one cube of bouillon and cooked a LARGE amount of carrots for awhile. 

I really should get paid for this advertisement.

Before I food drained and processed the carrots for Creedence, I gave Million a bowl full of cooked carrots, and he downed them in under a minute.  And asked for more.  (Eating them is not unusual for my veggie lover... Asking for more in lieu of playtime was, however.)

This bouillon also works great (per Michael) as a replacement for MSG-filled Ramen packets.  You can still use the noodles, but just make your own seasoning.  

And here's the part where I should have placed a picture of my carrotinized baby. 
But he's actually a pretty clean eater so far, so you would have had to squint to find the carrot muck lodged up his nose.
And that would ruin the effect of the cute picture.  Because you'd be focusing so hard on trying to find the carrots.
And you have better things to be doing.  Obviously.
 

I do believe I let National Poetry Month slip by without posting a single poem on here.
Ah, well.
Such is life.
We DO read poems around our house quite frequently, so that will just have to do.
We had some events in the last week.
Most notably:

About That Holiday Coming Up

Quiet time.
For maybe 15 minutes.
Sigh.

Right now we're recovering from months of busyness.
We have some big decisions (not public ones, yet) around the corner.
We're beginning some new lifestyle changes.

And I've got Ethiopia on my heart.
Mother's Day is right around the corner.
Someone reminded me of that a few days ago when he asked what I wanted...
I had forgotten.

It seems that Mother's Day will always be one of those broken celebrations for me.
My heart will always ache for those who are waiting.  Those who have lost.  Those who have given. Those who grew up without mothers. Those whose mothers were abusive.

There are so many people in this world that have their own reasons for having a broken Mother's Day. 


When asked what I want for Mother's Day this year, the only thing that came to mind is that I would want a very dear family member to be able to experience motherhood.  I would want this person not to have to go through days, weeks, and months more of waiting or pain.  Motherhood (especially of a child with a past trauma) is the hardest and most stretching experience I have ever had.  But it's also had some of the most profound moments of beauty amidst the brokenness.

So no, I wouldn't want a spice mix or a pansy in a flowerpot this year.  I would just want my God to heal, protect, and guard the hearts of the mothers (and children) around who are having broken Mother's Days.

Letters to Million: 3

Dear Million:
I'm not going to lie.
The past three months have been the most challenging for me, in my parenting journey.
Your little heart has so much hurt in it.
And the hurt spills over into our little family.
But I will pursue you.
I will recklessly abandon a normal life in search for healing for you.
I will love you no matter what.
Today's your third birthday.
Three is a significant number.
I'm praying for this to be a significant year for you.
That many new things will be learned.
That many cracks in your armor will be chiseled down and reshaped.
That your heart would soften.
That your mind would heal.
That your spirit would be tender.
I love you no matter what.
Mama

(Repost from Two Years Ago) Lessons In Anti-Panic No. 31,245: Trusting In the Goodness of God

Many of you reading this will remember a time in my life two years ago, when Million was stuck in the international adoption system...before getting stuck in the system again. I was tired of hearing "not today" nearly every week day, repeatedly, for months.

Million had had many health struggles, and it was tough to see many of my adoption friends bringing their children home with seemingly few snags in the process.

I went back today and read through some of my old adoption blog posts from that time in my life, and felt this one from two years ago on April 25th, to be appropriate today...for other reasons in my life.  Please don't mind my repost.

I wore some very impractical heels today.
Just thought I'd let you all know.
They, along with a pair of pearls, will help keep everyone at a work conference I attended from realizing that my pants do not conform to the dress code regulations. I have buttons on my pockets. Heavens. To. Betsy.

Open and honest moment for Christians here: This week, my struggle is to choose to quietly trust. To trust that God's timing in this whole ordeal is good. His word says that He is good and all His actions are good. If I disbelieve God and allow myself to run amuck into a panic (which could very easily happen), I'm making God out to be a liar. And willfully choosing not to trust in Him or His word.

And if I'm being even more open and honest, I can understand that God's timing is good towards me. But I have a harder time seeing His timing toward our son as being good. How can remaining in (even "high quality") institutionalized care be "good"? What I need to remember is that because I serve a sovereign God, the one whom I worshiped this past Sunday, my sovereign God does not need to work His plan around what I think would be best for my son. Yes, He loves my son even more than I ever will or could. But that does not mean that He will arrange the events of our lives to coincide perfectly with what human minds believe is "good." Because human minds cannot grasp "good." I think of when the man came up to Jesus and said "good teacher, la di dah di dah…" (paraphrasing completely), and Jesus said "Why do you call me good? Only God is good."

My favorite Disney Movie is Sleeping Beauty. I love the attention to detail in the artwork. I love Tchaikovsky. I love the waltzes, the nature scenes. But what's more I always loved the phrase "quietly reposed" that described how Sleeping Beauty fell into her spell.

I must be quietly reposed in my trust of God. So there it is. The blatant and honest choice that I have to make. I have to choose to defy panic. I have to choose to trust that God is who He says He is and that He can do what He says that He can do. I have to trust that His actions are not only good towards me, but good towards my son. I must surrender all of my will to control the situation.

And it's tough. Oh so tough.