Jubilee

All three kids are in their proper beds.
And it's the middle of the day.
Please note that I didn't say "sleeping."  That would be too magical.

Here is Jubilee.

She has been a joy to our family.

I decided that this time around, I'd save writing my "birth story" for my journal...but I can share some of the things that I am grateful for about the whole experience.

• I am grateful that I got the chance to hold her right after delivery.
• I am grateful for people watching the boys at our house.
• I am grateful that the hospital staff obeyed my instructions and limited the number of people that were in and out of both the delivery room and my postpartum room.
• I am grateful that the minor health issues she was born with were quickly resolved. 
• I am grateful that she is, so far, a very contented and happy baby. 
• I am grateful for an amazingly quick recovery and entrance back into the "real world" that has gone so smoothly.

The one thing that stuck out to me after this experience is how each of my children's entries into our family were perfect in their own way.  Each was completely different, but I wouldn't change anything about them.  Meeting Million for the first time was no less miraculous than my unmedicated childbirth with Creedence which was no less miraculous than Jubilee's birth which required some medical assistance.  Even our miscarriage was perfect in its own way, as I was at a mothering conference being poured into and pampered.  This concept of each child's entry into our family being perfect is enough to make me pause and smile at how opinionated we can be about life and how it "should be".  Because I have had a different experience each time, I have no soapbox to stand on about how a particular way to build a family or to go through childbirth is better than another.  

To sum up all of our gratitude, I'm going to post the lyrics to Jubilee's hymn.  Each of our children has their "own" hymn that we sing to them to comfort them or before naptime, really whenever.  Jubilee's hymn is "I Love to Tell the Story."

I Love to Tell the Story 

(words by A. Katherine Hankey, music by William G. Fischer)

I love to tell the story of unseen things above,
Of Jesus and His glory, of Jesus and His love.
I love to tell the story, because I know ’tis true;
It satisfies my longings as nothing else can do.

Refrain

I love to tell the story, ’twill be my theme in glory,
To tell the old, old story of Jesus and His love.

I love to tell the story; more wonderful it seems
Than all the golden fancies of all our golden dreams.
I love to tell the story, it did so much for me;
And that is just the reason I tell it now to thee.

Refrain

I love to tell the story; ’tis pleasant to repeat
What seems, each time I tell it, more wonderfully sweet.
I love to tell the story, for some have never heard
The message of salvation from God’s own holy Word.

Refrain

I love to tell the story, for those who know it best
Seem hungering and thirsting to hear it like the rest.
And when, in scenes of glory, I sing the new, new song,
’Twill be the old, old story that I have loved so long.

Refrain

She Has Arrived

Our little joy arrived on Monday of this week.  Our lives have been beautifully blessed with our Jubilee Shalom.  

So far, everything has gone immeasurably smoothly with the addition of our little girl.  

Eventually, I'll get time to type more about her....maybe not a birth story per se, but a more proper introduction.  It's our first full day at home today, and Michael's back at work.  I'm trying to keep proper perspective here, and for some odd reason blogging doesn't make the list.  

My two goals for the day were: 1) show the kids that I love them.  and 2) give myself loads of grace.

So far, so good.  And Michael will be home in an hour.  

Hopefully, I can keep this up.

Remembering and Looking Forward: Come, Little Jubilee

O come, little children, O come one and all,

To Bethlehem haste, to the manger so small,
God's son for a gift has been sent you this night
To be your redeemer, your joy and delight.



I've avoided taking a family photo this Christmas.
Partially because I'm behemoth at this point, and our usual "jammie picture" would not end up being excessively flattering.
Partially because we don't know if Jubilee will be here for Christmas or not, so we might as well wait.
And partially because this will be our first year with a forever-on-this-earth-incomplete family picture.

I've waited for a day when I wasn't feeling hormonal or excessive amounts of self-pity to type that, because I really want to give people an honest picture of miscarriage loss and not just a lot of words driven by emotion.

This loss is odd.  Because it's so intertwined with our expectancy of Jubilee.
We couldn't have our Jubilee if we didn't have the loss.

At the very base of her name, it means joy or celebration.  But the reason we chose her name was because it was a time of remembrance, a time devoted to freedom and restoration in the Bible.

And as we expect our Jubilee, we remember our other child.

We also remember that we weren't promised an entire lifetime with our kids.  We've known that from the very beginning, having missed part of Million's life.  But death kind of sinks it in differently--especially death when there are constant reminders of the lack of a person's life.

We remember that our lives can be filled with joy and that grief doesn't have to imprison us.

We remember that the one that binds up the brokenhearted and sets the captives free is the one who tenderly leads us through the various seasons and stages of our lives.

We remember as we look forward.  We look forward to the day when heaven and nature will truly sing.  We look forward to hopefully years with our new little one.  We look forward to excitement and adventure and living our lives with intentionality.  We remember and look forward to walking in the grace and freedom we have inherited as children of a King.

So come, little Jubilee.
Grace our house with your life....however long it may be.
We will live lives of joy.  We will walk in freedom.
We will celebrate the gift of life.

Jubilee Update

October 2012, 32 weeks pregnant with Creedence

November 2014, 33 weeks pregnant with Jubilee

This morning we took the second picture, on a whim.  It's the same sweater, and despite all appearances, I actually weigh a bit less now than I did back in 2012.  

Now I can see what "measuring six weeks ahead" looks like.  I feel like a buffalo on a daily basis. I'm giving myself the next seven weeks to real full-on beached whale status....since apparently I am soaring to new stomach girth measurements that I never thought possible.  

Confession of the night, I googled "belly button staying outie after pregnancy" a couple nights ago.  That's a serious nightmare of mine.  I'd prefer no dangling belly buttons.  It gives me the willies to think about.  Body parts should stay where they're supposed to be, in my humble opinion.

Dear Jubilee, 

You have my permission to come anytime after December 3rd, preferably avoiding the window of time between December 18th and 26th.  You really don't want a NICU stay OR a Christmas birthday.  Just trust me.  Also, if you could avoid inclimate weather, that would be nice.  The boys are excited to meet you, especially Million who asks nearly every day if you'll be coming that day.  Creedence is eagerly anticipating hugging you tightly, poking your eyes, and making sure your cry reflexes are fully functional.  And I'm looking forward to the ability to sip coffee without fear of heartburn or socially unacceptable dry heaves.  Because you're a classy girl like that.

Love,

Mama