Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Belly Buttons and Adoption

"Mama, did my birth mommy* like it when I ate her food when I was in her tummy?" 

That's the question my sweet bundle of energy asked me yesterday.  I didn't answer it completely yesterday, because the circumstances surrounding his adoption are so nuanced and deep, and it was a nap-time stalling technique. 

Today, I came up with an answer that satisfied him.  "Sweet Pea, remember how yesterday we were talking about if your birth mommy liked it when you ate her food in her tummy?  I think a good answer is that her heart was full of a lot of feelings when you were in her tummy.  And that she thought about you a lot."  That satisfied his curiosity, and he repeated the answer to himself several times.   

We've been talking about belly buttons a lot, most notably because even though we haven't explained the "birds and the bees" yet to Million, we're trying to be fairly candid about how babies grow in mommies' tummies.  He understands that babies get their food through umbilical cords and after the baby is born, the baby doesn't need to eat the food from their mommy, so the umbilical cord needs to be clipped.  He's seen pictures of Creedence's umbilical cord in a clamp right after birth.  And that has brought questions surrounding the circumstances around his birth.  We're grateful that we know a lot more about his birth and life pre-orphanage than many families.  Michael has actually visited the building that Million was born in.  But we don't know much about his actual birth.  It's very likely that he was a preemie, judging on his medical records and his many early lung problems. 

But these kind of conversations.... I think at this stage they're harder on me than they are on him.  I get so worried that I'm going to say something "wrong" that will cause some future therapy.  A few days ago, I realized that he didn't know if his birth mommy was a female or a male.  Obviously more conversations are in order.  And we'll keep having them.  And he'll keep surprising me with the questions he comes up with.

*Note: we don't actually refer to his birth mommy as "birth mommy."

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