Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Self-fulfilling prophecies and goldfish syndrome in Adoptions

One of the wonderful things about reading books about reading books is that I generally come away with a laundry list of books to check out from our public library. Several of the children's books I requested came today.  And every single one of them was a winner.

Million sat through an entire story hour at our public library and behaved in generally appropriate ways.  Please tell me that someone else understands what a big deal this is.

In other thoughts, I have an adoption post lurking in the corners of my brain, but I have very little time at the present moment to formulate it.  So I'll just spill it here, and if anyone wants to steal the idea and run with it, be my guest.  I feel that a lot of young adult adoptee problems are just self-fulfilled prophecies.  Let me explain.  Say a baby or toddler was adopted.  They do a thing as a child that most non-adopted children would be redirected or scolded for.   There are two general reactions: A) "That must be because they were adopted."  and not react. or B) React in either extreme discipline because they lacked that discipline from the start or react in complete passivity/a.k.a. loving them is enough.  People expect adoptees to be problem children.  People are looking for it.  I've seen caregivers in public settings NOT discipline Million for doing something that required discipline.  I don't think it's because he's utterly charming. 

The other thought is that adoptees are goldfish in a bowl.  People are waiting for them to fail, and so their moves are scrutinized more than average children. 

For example: little boys just generally have a thing about touching their privates.  Especially after transitioning from diapers to underwear.  However, if a boy who was previously adopted is touching his privates, however innocently, the mind automatically goes to prior sexual abuse.  (I wholeheartedly acknowledge that it IS a concern for many parents, and I'm not trying to downplay it.  I just am trying to provide an example of the extreme scrutiny that adoptees go through.)

So there are the ideas about adoption that I really don't have a lot of time to explore in depth.  And I realize there are some stark generalizations, but please realize that I'm writing this post in the 5 minutes that Michael is washing Million's hair from playing in the leaves. 

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