Thursday, August 1, 2013

How Not To Leave My Child Behind

I was not born to be a teacher in the classical sense of the word.
But I was born to teach.
I've spent many hours dreaming about what homeschooling would look like.
I've been analyzing curriculum for years.
Since neither Michael nor I have experience with homeschooling, the thought excites me/us.
We can bring this completely fresh new vibe to a schooling experience...and teach our children in the ways that they need to be taught.

That's the kicker.
In the last few months, there has been an exacerbation of Private Blog-Free Topic in Million's life---to the point where we know he would not have his needs met in public school, even with all of the special education resources.  He would be the child that was left behind. 
Score one point for us thinking that through in advance.

However, I'm starting to realize that homeschooling will not look like it does in my imagination.  Homeschooling will be much more therapeutic in addressing Private Blog-Free Topic than it ever looked in my head.  Deep inside, it's alarming to think that homeschooling initially was about me.*   I wanted to enjoy education and the educating process in ways that I never got to experience.  I wanted all of the kinesthetic and experiential learning that my schooling never allowed me.  I wanted to be a co-discoverer. 

And I still get all of that.  I still get to do that.  But it has to look a lot different.  And to be honest, sometimes that saddens me. 

And maybe, the optimist in me wants to think, someday we'll get to the point where schooling will be more what I imagined.  For now, I'm throwing myself into figuring out how to incorporate what Million needs in the best educational way possible for him.

*I imagine that many moms could come to that conclusion about sending their kids to public school as well...I'm not trying to be self-ascetic here or overly confessional, I just am verbally processing--something I get to do fairly rarely at this stage...

1 comment:

  1. I totally understand this - we are homeschooling our eldest in a completely different way than I imagined, because she needs it. Homeschooling as part of therapeutic parenting is an exercise in adjusting expectations and plans and dreams. My biggest example? We are allowing the iPad to teach our child to read. I was going to be all technology-free and granola Waldorf mom about it, but what my daughter needs is to be able to work through things on her own, without me standing over her, and just ask questions when she gets stuck. Other things we are able to do the way we envisioned (nature journals!), but definitely not everything. And you know what? It's still awesome.