Wednesday, October 3, 2012


Tomorrow, Million will be watched by a complete stranger for the first time...(well, since he's been our son, at least.)
He and I have spent about 60 hours apart total since he's come into our care.  And that is including the time that Michael has been watching him solo.

I've joined a large MOPS group.
I think what compounds the nerves is that I don't even know where I'm supposed to drop him off or where I'm supposed to go.  AND I'm supposed to bring food enough for 20 people?

I missed the first session of MOPS, where I would have been prepared and where they would have had welcome tables at the front door, because Million and I were exposed to whooping cough, so we were being prophylactically medicated and had been told to stay away from places with children.

I don't know if I'm most nervous about Million being back in a form of institutionalized care or if I'm most nervous that he will freak out and think I'm not coming back.  We've never done this sort of thing before.  And generally speaking, when we make changes, behavioral issues crop up.

I think I'm also intermingling it with my worry about next month, when Million is away from us for two days-ish, while I'm in the hospital.  I worked insanely hard to promote Million's attachment to me as his mommy.  There were days that he and I both cried all day long and couldn't stand each other.  I shudder to think of ANYTHING doing damage to the beautiful bond that we eventually formed.  (These worries have actually affected our post labor/delivery plans...Michael isn't going to be staying overnight with me in the hospital.  He's going to pick Million up and have some big-boy time and then will bring Million to meet his brother...before the few visitors that we're going to allow will come.)


1 comment:

  1. Eugene never stayed overnight with me at the hospital! By the time labor was over, he was ready to go home with the kids and rest and sleep in his own bed...and I was ready to rest too. Michael and Million will love the big-boy time and it will be very special for Million to have his Dad take him to the hospital to see you and little brother. Hang in there!