Most of my posts lately haven't been "heart" posts.
They have been "oh. I have two minutes to spare, I suppose I should blog or I'll forget about this stage of life."
I've not been content with my posts, as they haven't depicted the varying (by seconds it seems!) emotions and thoughts that have accompanied some of the huge changes in my life.
One of the posts that I have been thinking over for weeks is this parenting priority ladder that we have (at least I do) ingrained in our minds that leads to all manner of predicaments. It's like a bad card game with too many rules.
When does affirmation trump respect?
When does safety trump consistency? (Safety almost ALWAYS trumps anything, until you add in the "he's got to learn about gravity/heat/drawers SOMETIME!" element.)
When does consistency trump affirmation?
When does attachment parenting give way to "you are not in charge of this situation, mama is in charge."?
I'll give you an example of a typical every-day occurrence. Million is grabbing BonAmi The Dog's mouth (which in our house isn't an issue of safety but would be an issue of safety if he learned it was okay to do so to every dog he met) and not listening to Mama, but he is really doing this because he is tired and teething. I have to choose whether it is more important to address the disrespect to Mama, the danger of grabbing dogs' mouths, or if it is just necessary to just give him affirmation that "yes, teething hurts, but we mustn't hurt others because of our pain. let's go get a bottle and have a nap."
It seems like every situation I need 45 seconds to sit and evaluate "what are Million's needs right now? What would serve him best in the long run?" And many times I only have 44 seconds to make the decision. Or negative two seconds. Invariably, I end up running through situations that I've totally addressed incorrectly at the end of the day.
Especially as Million learns to communicate more with his words (Thank you, Jesus!), we are getting better at figuring out these needs.
Really, in our home, we only have two rules. The first is to use our bodies gently towards other people and animals. (We're not even working really on possessions yet. We'll get there.) The second rule is to respond correctly when Mama or Daddy says "Come, Stop, or No!"
Only two rules.
And we've been trying to be consistent not only for the sake of making parenting easier, but because Million NEEDS consistency. He hasn't had that in his life. He needs to know "when I do this at home it has the same consequences as when I do this at Grandma and Grandpa's house."
I really have no conclusion to these thoughts. They've just been swirling in my head.
Of course, I'll likely get comments like "just follow God's Word. It will be a lamp onto your feet and a light onto your path." We do try to incorporate wisdom from God's word and Godly practices into our parenting. This post isn't about needing wisdom (although we DO need that.) It's about needing discernment. There is a difference between the two.
So tra la la. End of post. Not end of thoughts.
They have been "oh. I have two minutes to spare, I suppose I should blog or I'll forget about this stage of life."
I've not been content with my posts, as they haven't depicted the varying (by seconds it seems!) emotions and thoughts that have accompanied some of the huge changes in my life.
One of the posts that I have been thinking over for weeks is this parenting priority ladder that we have (at least I do) ingrained in our minds that leads to all manner of predicaments. It's like a bad card game with too many rules.
When does affirmation trump respect?
When does safety trump consistency? (Safety almost ALWAYS trumps anything, until you add in the "he's got to learn about gravity/heat/drawers SOMETIME!" element.)
When does consistency trump affirmation?
When does attachment parenting give way to "you are not in charge of this situation, mama is in charge."?
I'll give you an example of a typical every-day occurrence. Million is grabbing BonAmi The Dog's mouth (which in our house isn't an issue of safety but would be an issue of safety if he learned it was okay to do so to every dog he met) and not listening to Mama, but he is really doing this because he is tired and teething. I have to choose whether it is more important to address the disrespect to Mama, the danger of grabbing dogs' mouths, or if it is just necessary to just give him affirmation that "yes, teething hurts, but we mustn't hurt others because of our pain. let's go get a bottle and have a nap."
It seems like every situation I need 45 seconds to sit and evaluate "what are Million's needs right now? What would serve him best in the long run?" And many times I only have 44 seconds to make the decision. Or negative two seconds. Invariably, I end up running through situations that I've totally addressed incorrectly at the end of the day.
Especially as Million learns to communicate more with his words (Thank you, Jesus!), we are getting better at figuring out these needs.
Really, in our home, we only have two rules. The first is to use our bodies gently towards other people and animals. (We're not even working really on possessions yet. We'll get there.) The second rule is to respond correctly when Mama or Daddy says "Come, Stop, or No!"
Only two rules.
And we've been trying to be consistent not only for the sake of making parenting easier, but because Million NEEDS consistency. He hasn't had that in his life. He needs to know "when I do this at home it has the same consequences as when I do this at Grandma and Grandpa's house."
I really have no conclusion to these thoughts. They've just been swirling in my head.
Of course, I'll likely get comments like "just follow God's Word. It will be a lamp onto your feet and a light onto your path." We do try to incorporate wisdom from God's word and Godly practices into our parenting. This post isn't about needing wisdom (although we DO need that.) It's about needing discernment. There is a difference between the two.
So tra la la. End of post. Not end of thoughts.
I hear ya! My oldest is 10, and I still struggle with that internal discussion/debate. : ) You are doing well. : )
ReplyDeleteOlivia
Yes, trump card. That's exactly right. All the time - ALL THE TIME - I'm wondering what is supposed to trump what.
ReplyDeleteSigh. It's very confusing.
This is one of those... oh- if I could live it all over again moments.... I'd probably chose not to. Just getting caught up and wanted to say CONGRATS on a tough courageous faithful decision!
ReplyDelete