Child comparison is futile. It never gives grace to the children or the parents involved. How do you get people to stop comparing their kids with yours? Do you just ignore the slightly competitive nature to their questioning?
It's never easy, especially if I'm feeling particularly insecure about my parenting ability on any given day, and my child is on the positive side of the comparison! Ugly, I know! BUT, I have found this response to be relatively helpful in curbing the downward spiral: "I just love how God made each of use unique and special, even adults!" If they don't take the cue from there, and they're particularly obnoxious on the issue, you can always flesh it out to "I love all kids develop at their own pace and rhythm, just like how some adults learn earlier than others that it's really ungracious and sometimes even damaging to compare children with other children." Depends on how often you have to see them, I guess!
The 'mompetition' stuff is silly but easy to get sucked into if not looking out. On the other hand- the compare/contrasts of ME doing it - I have to admit- are helping me to gauge how he's doing in some areas- whether he needs some tools in some areas- whether I need to give him more opportunities in other areas- or simply let things go and say 'let it be for a while." I used to try and NOT do it- but as I've stopped trying and allow myself to see him through those eyes every once and a while- I find i actually do it less and less. (does that make anysense at all?)
Comparison is rampant for sure in mommyhood. Doesn't seem to be as prevalent for Dads...not sure why that is. We like to say that our kids are amazing...not because of what they do, but just because they are OURS. Still have to beat down the beast of comparison when it rises up in me though....I like the two responses above too!
It's never easy, especially if I'm feeling particularly insecure about my parenting ability on any given day, and my child is on the positive side of the comparison! Ugly, I know!
ReplyDeleteBUT, I have found this response to be relatively helpful in curbing the downward spiral:
"I just love how God made each of use unique and special, even adults!" If they don't take the cue from there, and they're particularly obnoxious on the issue, you can always flesh it out to "I love all kids develop at their own pace and rhythm, just like how some adults learn earlier than others that it's really ungracious and sometimes even damaging to compare children with other children." Depends on how often you have to see them, I guess!
The 'mompetition' stuff is silly but easy to get sucked into if not looking out. On the other hand- the compare/contrasts of ME doing it - I have to admit- are helping me to gauge how he's doing in some areas- whether he needs some tools in some areas- whether I need to give him more opportunities in other areas- or simply let things go and say 'let it be for a while." I used to try and NOT do it- but as I've stopped trying and allow myself to see him through those eyes every once and a while- I find i actually do it less and less. (does that make anysense at all?)
ReplyDeleteComparison is rampant for sure in mommyhood. Doesn't seem to be as prevalent for Dads...not sure why that is. We like to say that our kids are amazing...not because of what they do, but just because they are OURS. Still have to beat down the beast of comparison when it rises up in me though....I like the two responses above too!
ReplyDeleteI just think about this video:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7148143/why-i-cant-make-mom-friends
and try to laugh about it. It's hard, though.