We altered our routine and introduced people.
And lost ground.
I don't regret seeing family.
I do regret caring what people thought so much that we stayed away from home longer than was good for Million. We placed our social needs above the needs of our son, and regret it completely. Parenting fail number 8 million and 3.
The process of adding people into this equation is not fun. It's like peeling back a bandaid and then realizing that you still need the bandaid on.
Especially difficult is the consideration that we're throwing some behavioral issues into the mix.
Because even if they're the kindest people in the world, and even if no one verbally criticizes us to our faces, my brain goes into hyperanalytic paranoid mode.
Million did xyz naughty thing. I bet they think I'm too harsh or too lenient.
Million does xyz cute and adorable thing. I bet they think we're crazy because we see it as a cry for attention and parent shopping.
Sigh.
First grandchild on both sides of the family...
God, give us grace.
We need it.
I am sorry to hear that you lost some ground today. I just wanted to let you know that I also go into "hyperanalytic paranoid mode" when my children misbehave or do the adorable and cute things. Having a first grandchild on both sides of the family can do that to a person. You feel like everyone is watching and judging. I am slowly learning that no they are just understanding and enjoying your child.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that our family gathering made you guys lose ground in all of what you're trying to help Million through... I really loved getting to see him and see you guys, and you will be in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteAnd just to put your mind at rest, I was not criticizing your parenting in my head... I was just reveling in seeing your family all together and reflecting on the changing dynamics that a third generation brings to the mix.
Love you!
Oh Heather, I am sorry that you've had a stressful few days. I can't comment on the adoption part (someday, please, someday maybe I'll be able to)..but I can commiserate with the oldest grandchild on both sides. It sets up a uniquely multifaceted additional layer of stress (mostly not intentional)--it's a lot of pressure! I'm there with you on that one.
ReplyDeleteon BOTH SIDES!
ReplyDeleteYou are brave souls. And I bet you made a LOT of people happy by showing up. In years to come, that's what they'll all remember :)