How Very Alike We Are.

I was going to post something about how being a mother should require a Haz-Mat licence.

But as I sat there feeding and rocking my son, while I was covered head to toe in no less than four of his bodily fluids, I began to cry. Self injurious behavior and behavior that is injurious toward other people has been our focus lately. That and health and sleep concerns have been reigning supreme.

But there in that rocking chair, covered in filth, I felt disgusted with myself, and to be honest, a little disgusted with him too.

Suddenly, I remembered that he has the same "problem" that I do.

His problem stems from lack of trust.

I have that same problem.

I don't trust God at times. My self-injurious behaviors are just a little more socially acceptable, like over-committing myself socially because I don't believe God will provide enough entertainment, satisfaction, ego-stroking, etc.

I also injure myself by closing myself off to God, just like Million often shuts his eyes just so he doesn't have to look at us.

Just like Million, I injure myself and other people to soothe some parts of my inner being. (For me it is a sinful part of my being.)

And yet, God still holds me. God still feeds me. God still loves me. Despite my disgusting self-worship and injurious habits, God takes care of me and nurtures me.

So as I rock my son to sleep, I have a new prayer. A prayer of thanksgiving for this morning's heartaches. A prayer of renewed dedication to healing. A prayer of trust in God's timing and plan. And a prayer of love to my Father who helps me to heal.