Used To's Versus Are's and Meditations on Shalom

It's one of those days where the things I used to take delight in doing...

are getting old.  Perhaps it's the fact that I sold 13 of our diapers to buy newborn sizes of diapers, that we now no longer need.  And now I am washing diapers every day instead of every other day because of that sale. (More cloth diapers are budgeted for in the next pay period.)

But it's not only diapering.

I used to do all of these fun things.
Like bake and cook.
And sew.
And knit and crochet (which I haven't done for almost a year now.)
And actually DO the things I saw on Pinterest.

I used to grow my own herbs and can all manner of things.

Oh. I also used to read books.
Besides poetry compiled by Jack Prelutzky.

My brain used to be able to creatively daydream...instead of leaving tasks unfinished for weeks on end.

These here are the first bagels I've made in...maybe a year and a half.  In fact, I'm not sure if I've made bagels since Million has been home.

But then...
Then...
Someone crawls up on my lap and says "Can we read another, Mama?  Can we read the Jabberwocky?  Just one more chapter?"
And another smiles at me amid the drool waterfalls and says "Moo moo mooo" (his latest consonant sound, which seems to delight him and makes me laugh at the bovine wannabe).
And I realize that a lot of the used to's were about me.
About personal fulfillment.
About "expressing myself."
And these...these sometimes ogres/sometimes angels are waiting to be taught.  Waiting to soak in.
Instead of fulfilling myself, I have the privilege to fill fully these boys.  To teach them to express themselves within appropriate boundaries.

This is just a momentary chapter of my life.  I'm aware of this.
When I'm old, I'll have plenty of time for the crafts and baking that I can't muster energy for now.
When I'm old, I will also hopefully see the fruits of the discipline and discipleship we've been working so hard on with our children.


Michael and I have been talking a lot about the concept of a peaceful home.  A peace-filled home.
And we've been talking a lot about shalom, the kind of peace in the Bible that describes "the way things ought to be."  A lot of things would have to change in our household right now in order to have a shalom-filled home.

And I'm off to start.