It's been stuck in Wolayta, Ethiopia.
It's been meditating on a little boy, Creedence's age, who was spending his first couple nights in an orphanage, a little over two and a half years ago.
Creedence isn't a big boy. I should rephrase. He's tall...just very skinny. But the weight he is at currently surpasses the weight that Million was at when he was six months old....
The doctors in the orphanage hypothesized that Million was a preemie, because of his chronic lung conditions and small size. But I realized this morning, that we have no birth weight for Million. I mean, I realized it before...but it really sat in today. Million will never know how tall he was when he was born or how much he weighed.
The cuddles that I give to Creedence are reminders that when Million was his age, he wasn't getting individualized cuddles from his mama. He didn't have someone who was overjoyed at each milestone...as if the stars and the moon were hung just for him.
So it's been a sad few days. But a happy few days too. I realize just how far Million has come with love, water, and a little sunshine. And I hug both boys a little tighter.
I'll never be able to make up for the 13 months that Million didn't have a mother. That's something that we'll have to work through with him. And hopefully he'll come out of it relatively unscathed. But I can pray that God will allow me to fill in any gaps that are existing with a reasonable amount of mother love. And I can pray that God would help me to be the kind of mother that both boys need.