Letters I'm Unable to Mail

Dear caffeine,
I am greatly indebted to your services.
I can't ever repay the favor.
Humbly grateful,
Twitching Hands

Dear Cashier at Savers,
It was not kind of you to give my son a Tootsie Roll when I wasn't looking.
I know it was you, you sneaky old woman with yellowed fingernails.
He's not even two, and I'd rather he not take candy from strangers.
Sincerely,
Perturbed Mama

Dear shoulders,
I wish you weren't genetically sloped downward.
It would be nice for a purse to be able to stay up on you.
You disappoint me.
Love,
The rest of my body

Dear kitchen walls,
Be afraid, be very afraid.
Your "enchanting ginger" days are nearly over.
Yours, etc.
Painter-to-be