Motherhood: When You Realize You've Been Worrying For No Reason At All

This is a story about unfounded guilt and worry.

I can't really hide that I'm a huge literacy nerd.  I started reading books about the value of reading books when I was in high school.  It continued through college and early marriage.  So by the time I made it through our 3-1/2 year adoption process with Million, I was prepped and fired up.
He got the linguistic equivalent of a fireman's hose directed right at him.
Literature rich environment?  No baby talk?  Parental dramatic reading?  Vocabulary enhancement?
Check.
(And it worked.  He is one of the most verbal children I've ever met.)

But when Creedence came along, I started lagging in my enthusiasm.  I just didn't have the time to dedicate hours a day to reading to TWO little boys.  So I continued to read to Million, but just let Creedence kind of play in the background.  I read board books almost every day, but Creedence did not experience nearly the amount of intentional one-on-one reading time (or depth of literature excellence) that Million did.

This second-born mama felt extreme amounts of guilt that she was stifling the intellectual growth of her second-born child.

Then Creedence felt a desire to listen to books, but he could not sit still longer than 5 minutes.
(I realize this is normal, given his age...but our first child would willingly sit for 30 to 40 minutes immediately after he came home from Ethiopia, so that's all we had to go on....)

I was worried that Creedence would never like books.

This past month, all worry has been assuaged.  And I feel like a fool for even worrying.
Creedence is now an insatiable book listener.

These are the books we read this morning, before I cut him off.  And I put him to nap, while he was begging for Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?  

So this is just a reminder to me, as a mother.  Don't worry so much.  Things will shake out.  Things may happen at different stages or ages.  But just give yourself a break and don't worry so much.

Anybody else ever realize they've been worrying for no reason at all?

June: Cheese Month

I've had some time to myself lately. 
Okay... maybe 20 minutes, outside of time that I use for showering.
But I've made good use of it.

Michael mentioned in the grocery store the other day that it would be fun at some point to try some of the fancier cheeses in the grocery store that we don't purchase as a rule.

The wheels in my head got turning.  I had been planning on doing either this cheese kit or this mini cheese kit (probably the mini one---we're on a budget) as an educational experience for the fam during our wait.


So I've decided that June will be our obsessive cheese month.

"Un repas sans fromage est une belle à qui il manque un œil."
("A meal without cheese is a beautiful woman with an eye missing.")
~Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826)

Why June?

Ahem...it's after a race that three of the four of us are running (for which I need to start training.)
It's also after my sister's wedding...and there are no craft fairs slated for that month.

But perhaps biggest of all, our little town has a cheese festival every year in June.
Not that it really focuses on cheese any more than any other fried food, but it will be a little activity we could incorporate.

We're trying to stick with educational experiences more than pure fun.
So, here's what I've got bubbling in my head:

• I'm looking for children's books about cheese. (Recommendations accepted!)
• We rarely watch movies as a family, but we may let Million watch Ratatouille one time during that month. (Particularly the scene where the main rat is trying to explain to his brother about flavor combinations...)
• Some activities with string cheese with basic lessons about fractions ("this is a part of the whole; this is a bigger part of the whole" etc.)
• We'll visit a cheese factory.
• Trying our hand at cheesemaking.
• Million can help us make a grilled cheese sandwich and then narrate instructions to teach someone else.
• Watching the milking of a cow
• Something with how the moon is said to look like cheese
• Basic addition and subtraction with "The Farmer in The Dell" (the cheese stands alone)
• May try basic poem-writing/rhyming skills.  A lot rhymes with cheese.  
• I can't think of the name of it right now, but there's that fairy tale about the guy that impressed the ogre by his trickery (squeezing a piece of cheese to make water come out of it, and if I remember right, the ogre thought it was a rock).  We could act out that story. 

 I'm sure I'll think of a few more.

Waiting and Learning (And How Learning Helps Waiting)

Michael taught me to glue and nail crates this weekend.  This is the first crate I put together by myself.   (I didn't do any of the sawing; that will be another lesson.)

We're going to be participating in five craft fairs/art bazaars this year, four of which average 1500 to 3000 people in attendance.  We're leaving the actually "big" ones that average 5000 or more people for next year.

We became DTE last Friday.  Right now, I'm occupying myself writing a list of 36+ fun activities that our family can do that are "out of the norm" to make each month of waiting fun.  I need to add in a buffer so that once we hit the three-year mark of waiting, I don't spiral into some crazy lady vortex with no activities or purpose left.

Michael has requested that he and Million can construct a outdoor clay oven as one of them.  That will be on this summer's docket.
Other examples are: visiting a lighthouse, going to a chocolate shop and watching chocolates being made, visiting a garden conservatory, going to an airplane show, etc.

The objective is to defeat the dreary and long wait with new educational opportunities for us to obsessively research about each month.  When I look back at our best waiting months from our last adoption process, I saw us in the midst of huge demolition projects in our home, learning to clean wool and spin wool into yarn, having an insanely large herb garden, and learning to cook Ethiopian meals.  Learning (at least for Michael and me) defeats the boredom which leads to discontent.

And if we can impress on our boys the fun of self-education and that The Wide World is an adventure waiting to happen, I'll be happy.

What are some ideas of family-friendly-ish activities that you wish your parents were crazy enough to do with you or to teach you?

A Tale of Two Years

Two years ago I saw my son for the first time.
The pixelated images that I printed out and held close to me for the months before I could hold his actual body to mine.
I heard a voice say "His name is Million," and my heart melted.
I didn't know that my tiny boy would have such a large personality.
I didn't know how deeply enmeshed my heart would be with his.
I only knew that he was mine.
He was my first child.
He was my little boy.
He was our son.

Michael and I are often asked if we feel bad for missing out on most of his big "firsts", since he didn't come home until he was speaking, running, with eight teeth, eating solid foods, etc.
Our answer has always been no.
We don't feel bad for missing it.
It's just what we know.

I think had we procreated first, there might have been some elements of that, and maybe once November Boy is born, we will experience some grief when we realize all we missed.

But I know that adoption first was absolutely right for us as a couple.  God knew that He could use it to open up our hearts and eyes in a way that the birth of a child of our flesh couldn't possibly accomplish.    

There are so many more things I could say today, on our two-year anniversary of our referral phone call.
But words are failing.
So I will just cherish memories and gratefully acknowledge God's working in our lives as a family.

Second-Born Syndrome

Left: November Boy's Blanket.  Right: Million's Blanket

I'm one of those annoying 2nd born/middle children who every so often feels like things have to be equal.
I got November Boy a blanket today.

I have yet to crochet him an afghan, dedicate a whole blog to how he came to be in our family, paint the room the boys will share in my predetermined Narnia theme, buy him a squeaky dog toy, etc. etc. etc.   Those things weren't bothering me as much (okay, maybe the afghan is...but I can always whip one up before Christmas.)  The blanket was bothering me simply because it was such a symbol of our expectancy for Million.

And that's all I have for today.

Dancing About $1.30

I did a little hop and a skip this morning.
One of my/our many little side gigs actually made some money.
Don't you go thinking I'm rich and snobby now.
I made $1.30 on Amazon, after I shipped a used book to someone.
(Don't spend it all in one place, right?)
I have so much  fun experiencing the many sides of business management that I never thought I'd be doing, given my educational background in music and ministry.
After I got back from the post office, I got an e-mail for one of our other side gigs asking about a potential custom order.
It was a perfect start to a week for our little entrepreneurial family.

Both Michael and I really value the learning experiences we've had while trying our hand at new things this year.  We're growing and being (sometimes uncomfortably) stretched.  Michael, in particular, is learning a whole new area of business and marketing.


The area that I struggle most with in our many businesses is packaging/labeling/making products look good.
Some people have that knack.
I don't.
Can I say that any more definitively?  I absolutely don't.
But I'm trying so very hard to learn


Through this all, we're trying to teach Million a lot of life lessons by example.

i.e.  "It's okay to fail."  and "Scary things can be fun."  and "You'll never know unless you try."

I don't know if he'll catch on to these lessons at this stage in life, but I hope we continue to be adventurous and self-driven enough to keep educating ourselves and keep trying new things all throughout our lives.

And I hope we maintain our sense of humor.
Because some of our mistakes and failures are downright humorous.
Especially a day later.   

Some Exciting News From Our Family!

Our family is growing!

Baby #2 will be making his or her appearance in mid-to-late November/early December.

We are thrilled that God is giving us this opportunity, and we wanted to share the news with you all.

Pregnancy after adoption (and before another adoption, in our case) is what could be colloquially called "a whole 'nother ball of wax"....

I have many many dear friends who are struggling with infertility or who have struggled with it in the past, especially those whom we have met during the course of our adoption.  I've heard so many times that people have been the recipient of well-intended judgemental comments like "Now that you've adopted, you'll get pregnant."

I wanted to address this head-on before anyone decides to use us as a prime example to their infertile friends.

We didn't become pregnant because we adopted.  In our case, we became pregnant because we went off of birth control and because God allowed it. 

Right now, I'm struggling to find the line between openness and unnecessary vulnerability.  Pregnancy after adoption and all of the conflicting emotions and situations it brings isn't something I've seen blogged about commonly, but I also hesitate to make myself into a spectacle.  Pregnancy in and of itself is fraught with controversial topics, so much so that I've ALREADY gotten myself into trouble by asking "the wrong" questions...

I'd hate to cause controversy over something so beautiful as the way in which God has allowed us to form our family.

 Now there are some typical questions that I've been asked in the last few weeks that our families and close friends have known about our pregnancy:

1. How am I feeling?  
I'm tired and nauseous, but the physical pregnancy symptoms are absolutely nothing (and I'm really emphatic when I say that!) compared to the endless spiritual, emotional, and physical depression during the time-frame when we repeatedly failed court in Ethiopia.
2. Do we know names for our baby? 
We do know both of our names for boy or girl but will not be sharing them until the baby is born.  They are atypical names, and if we shared them, we would likely hear others' negative opinions more than we want.  We will not be naming children after relatives or Bible characters.  We prefer names that are chosen for the significance of their meaning, just as we chose Kumelachew as one of Million's middle names, and just as we were so pleased when we learned the meaning of his birth name.
3. Have you chosen a birth plan? 
If everything goes according to plan, we will be choosing a natural non-medicated childbirth, with the assistance of a midwife.  One of our primary reasons for this choice is that I just want to be able to experience raw pain, just as Million's birth mom had to experience raw pain.  (However, I do realize that I will have access to many non-medicinal pain treatment alternatives that she didn't have access to.)
4. Will you breastfeed? 
We will also be choosing to breast-feed.  However, obviously Million was formula fed.  I will not become a "breast is best" vocalist, because breast is not best in many situations---like Million's.
5. Will you find out the gender?
Yes, and we will be sharing that information with whosoever wishes to know.
6. Will you have more birth children?  
We're not sure about that right now.  We do know that we plan to pursue adoption a few more times, but to be honest, adoption is where both of our hearts are drawn more frequently than to pregnancy.
7. Have you told Million yet?
Yes, and he's forgotten already and could care less.  :)

We're so grateful for this opportunity, but to be completely honest, it brings out a lot of complicated emotions that we didn't anticipate and need to sort through.  We obviously want people to be excited about Baby #2, but it hurts us when people seem more excited about a birth child than they seemed about Million's adoption.  This is just one of the many complicated emotions that we have the privilege to process  (and I'm not being sarcastic here, it truly is a privilege to be exposed to unique circumstances that not many people have the chance to go through.)

If you're a person of God, we'd appreciate prayer as we'll have many different feelings and circumstances than the average to go through (i.e. trying to explain my "obstetric history" to a non-adoption-minded medical professional.)   You can also pray for humility.  We admit wholeheartedly that being pregnant is a new thing for us.  Pray that if we have questions we ask them humbly and respectfully instead of forming opinions and judgments based on what we have heard from other pregnant women.

We trust that God has given us this opportunity as a means of growing us towards Him, and we're excited to see our family grow.