As promised

A toddler in antlers is blog material.

What We're About In December

I love this picture of my little boy helping decorate for Christmas.


The polarity of light and shadows reminds me of John 1:4-5 "In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it." 

I'm sure I'll have some things to write about in December, with Million's first "actual" Christmas.  Some of it may be Advential.  (I just made that word up.)  Million and I (and Michael when he's home) will be going through this names of Jesus Advent chain each day in December.
  (I do have Ann Voskamp's Jesse Tree devotional, but it seemed far too much for our family's day-to-day working order this year, and I'm out of magenta ink, so the ornaments wouldn't look "pretty."  Next year, next year.)  For now, I can   "read a Bible verse and say a name" with Million. 

Million and I will also be doing a few service projects this year to teach us (okay, me) humility, servitude, and actual sacrificial giving.  I'm refraining from posting anything about what things we're doing with one exception: I might post a picture of Million ringing bells, because...I have the cutest little antlers for him to wear.  And a toddler in antlers is blog material.  
So is a dog with a Christmas tree.

Decorating With The Man

 We decorated for Christmas a few days ago while Million napped.  Michael was fortuitously off of work, and he complained last year that "he NEVER gets to help set up the tree...yada yada yada...", so we seized the day and decorated.  Together.

Awww.  Our Hallmark moment for the Christmas season.

In those few minutes of hanging ornaments on the tree, I found one that made me laugh.

The first three Christmases we were married, this ornament had the "sample" picture of the model couple still in the picture frame.  Then we upgraded to this hand-drawn picture that says "(boy) + (girl) = (heart) Happiness Factor Times 83" for the last few years.

Maybe some year we'll actually get a photo in the frame.

Lesson In Grace In a Food Co-op

Those who have experienced penny pinching for months on end know that it feels like a windfall when someone says "Here's $10.  I want you to spend it in any way you choose in this store."

That happened to me this weekend.

I felt at liberty to be "extravagant" and buy whole wheat spinach spaghetti, hummus powder, and loose leaf tea: things that will brighten up some long days, weeks, and months we have ahead of us.


The feeling of not only being able to be "extravagant," but to take my time as I perused through the store reminded me of God's grace.  His extravagant grace that knows no time limits.

And I was so thankful for that reminder.

Thankful For: Incomprehensible

Today I'm grateful for the incomprehensible---why and how a loving God can use painful circumstances and sinful people for His glory.

Saint Francis' prayer has been running rampant in my heart.

I invite you to pray this along with me over your Thanksgiving celebrations today.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

A "Leaner" Year

Vocal Paralysis

I seem to have lost, for lack of a better term, my blog voice.
I just don't know what to post about anymore.
Many things I can't (for principle or privacy) post.
Other things I attempt to post and then get convicted that I'm either bragging or complaining or focusing too much on self.
Other things, especially relating to adoption, are so controversial.  People have already got their opinions on the matters and are highly unlikely to be swayed by anything I say.

I came dangerously close to the precipice of starting a series called "$5 (or Less) Handmade Holidays".  I seriously had a lot of posts drafted, at least in my head.

But Michael thought (and I agreed) that would be focusing on the materialism and overindulgence of our American culture in November and December.

Some of the posts might resurface as "Things to Do In Minnesota When Your Car Won't Start And It's 40 Below."

So until I find my "blog voice", posts might be pretty sparse. 

Michael, Political Activist by Night

Michael's going all political on me.

Which is fair, because I'm going all hippie on him.  (Perhaps a future blog post.  This one's about Michael.)

We've got a marriage that works, for better or worse.

Michael is going to a city zoning meeting.

A zoning meeting. 

Allow me to wipe the tears from my eyes from laughter.

(wipe, wipe.)

We live in the heart of the historic district in our little town.  

We're less than three blocks from pretty much anything.

We *could* live pretty local lives, were it not for our desire for healthier food choices, thrift store shopping, and Michael's employment being 20 miles away.

But that's a small price to pay when you can walk with your son 15 minutes to get views like this.

All this about our little town to say that Michael is going to a zoning meeting to try to influence the zoning commission to allow us to have a small amount of (female) chickens in our back yard.  

My husband, the fervent political activist, is back in action. 

So provided he has a new job in our current locale sometime soon, and provided his zoning meeting goes well, we should have baby chick brood edition number 1 (likely to be named after female torch singers) due in Spring 2012.  And Million's tell-all memoir "My Dad Killed Julie London" will be out in about 18 years from now.  

 Whew.  With that public service announcement aside, I have only a few more pictures to post.

 I tried making my own Heath bars.  We're going solely fair-trade chocolate in our household and diets, so whenever I can budget in fair-trade chocolate chips, I try to make something like what we were used to.  Unfortunately for my Heath bars, my candy thermometer broke, so I was estimating temperatures.  The taste was perfect for us, (being dark chocolate lovers) but the texture of the toffee was a little soft.  Sigh.  Maybe next time.

This picture (and it's almost daily reoccurrence) cracks me up.  Million will start barking and looking out the back window just to get BonAmi to do the same.  And vice versa.  They're quite the pair.

In true November-blogger fashion, I have to close by saying I'm so blessed.  I'm surrounded by a man, boy, and a dog that all make me laugh.  My life is not short of hilarity, which is a true blessing in this season of life when we could be wondering why God is delaying in providing Michael a new job.  I am a blessed woman.  I have joy amidst talk of chickens, little boys barking, and dogs scared of plastic bags being blown down the street by the November wind.  

Audacious Questions

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.
Maya Angelou



I sometimes wish every choice regarding faith or sin would be subject to impolite and audacious questioning, so people could understand what we go through.


"Are you sure you want to eat that honey mustard salad dressing on your chicken strips?  Wouldn't it be better for our country if you ate something that was produced locally?  Wouldn't God be more honored if you chose a vinaigrette with no fat in it?  I had a cousin once who ate chicken strips with honey mustard and he got salmonella poisoning.  I don't know how some people can find it in their heart to eat chicken strips from chickens that are not free range. "  Etc. etc. etc.  

Perfectionism

This post is here to remind myself to give myself grace.

It's not a post for you.

Or you.

Or even for you lurking over there.

It's for me.

It's about me.

And I'm starting to sound egocentric, am I not?

To battle that egocentrism, here are a few photos of recent events.

A beautiful thing is never perfect.    ~Proverb.

I've been mulling over perfectionism and the role it's played in my life.  

It certainly is a sinful tendency, at least in how I allow it to operate.  

I need to learn to extend grace to myself.

I absolutely hate the phrase "spotless house."  

I realized this week that I've been holding myself to an unattainable standard in my brain that has been derived from that phrase.  Every day I've sought to not have a speck of laundry in the baskets, not have a dish in the sink, and to do all of the household tasks... in order to have a "spotless" house by the end of the day. 

And every day I end up failing.  

(To note: these are not standards Michael places on me; they are ones I place on myself.)  

Like a true perfectionist, when I know I'm going to fail, there are times when I stop trying.

Usually a few days before someone drops by the house unexpectedly.  (Isn't that how it always goes?!)

Then with renewed vigor (and shameful humiliation), I re-establish my goal of perfection and attack it with force.  For a few days.

This is just one area of my life.

Imagine how my perfectionism is compounded in my other offices and affairs of daily living!

My physical fitness and nutrition.

My self-imposed re-education regime.

When I was employed. 

When I try to bake a new dish and it's unsuccessful.

In my musical performances.

In my spiritual disciplines (Yikes! Did I just admit that?!)

In my "mothering" duties. 

I do have one blessed reprieve from the "typical" perfectionist symptoms, and that is that I do not place my high standards on others.  (Michael and Million certainly are blessed individuals in that regard.  They both please me and delight my soul on a daily basis.)  

My chief concerns lie with myself, and therein lies my sin.  I become so preoccupied with myself and what I'm doing wrong or how I'm going to achieve/going to perfect/going to attain etc., that I am not focusing on God or glorifying God.  I'm glorifying myself when I start to succeed and also worshiping my failure by fearing it so much and meditating so much on it.

God give me grace to give to myself.

Don't allow me to twist your grace into a bitter contortion of what it should be.

Allow your grace to flow freely through me and to heal me of this sinful tendency. 

Amen

Topically Indexed Thought Formations

A list of topics that have been simmering in my brain and heart lately, alphabetized:

Affirming masculinity. 

Becoming like my teachers.

Books I'm reading: One Thousand Gifts, The Last Child in the Woods, Bloodlines, The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing To Our Brains. 

Cherishing the moments I've been given.

Cooking with more vegetables and whole foods.

Couponing and whether it's worth my time. 

Cultivating a spirit of gratitude.

Discernment and how to know when I'm telling myself lies. 

Dry skin and the winter weather which will worsen it.

Eczema (Milllion's).  See above under "dry skin." 

Emotional outbursts, the causes and effects.

Finding a rhythm now that I'm unemployed.

Gentleness.

Generosity in times of financial concern.  

Holding the right things valuable.

Hospitality and how to be more like my mom in that respect.

Honesty in the small things. 

Humility---especially in the context of prayer. 

Natural shampoo regimen I started a month ago---is it worth it?

Seasons of spiritual growth.

Sovereignty of God. 

Taming the tongue. 

Timing of life events.

Wisdom and the attaining thereof.

Light Shining Out Of Darkness by William Cowper

God moves in a mysterious way
 His wonders to perform;
 He plants his footsteps in the sea,
 And rides upon the storm.

 Deep in unfathomable mines
 Of never-failing skill,
 He treasures up his bright designs,
 And works his sovereign will.

 Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
 The clouds ye so much dread
 Are big with mercy, and shall break
 In blessings on your head.

 Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
 But trust him for his grace;
 Behind a frowning providence
 He hides a smiling face.

 His purposes will ripen fast,
 Unfolding every hour;
 The bud may have a bitter taste,
 But sweet will be the flower.

 Blind unbelief is sure to err,
 And scan his work in vain;
 God is his own interpreter,
 And he will make it plain

My Handsome Dans

We're taking Million to a cultural festival today.  Michael has several Ethiopian friends, coworkers, and classmates who have wanted to meet Million, many of whom will be running the Ethiopia booth at this particular festival.  Afterwards our little fam is eating Ethiopian---in the employee cafeteria.  High class....but I wouldn't have it any other way.